A flight I'd love to board

Ahhhhh! There are some things in this world that are simply dripping in cool factor. No, this is marinated in cool, so much that the awesomeness infuses every morsel.

I'm talking about the 747 that's been turned into a hotel!

My buddies over at SpotCoolStuff.com dug this one up, and what a stellar find it is.

As I mentioned in a response to their blog entry, I live in Arizona. We have two massive airplane graveyards (The AMARC in Tucson and Pinal Air Park) and a third smaller one in Goodyear. Each has its share of civilian heavies, C141s and even B-52s. Can you imagine the possibilities if we stopped cutting them up and started doing something really cool with them? In many cases, they're only getting cut up enough to be rendered unflyable. Here's a way better way to do that!

I also know at least one person turned a 727 into a home - I'm pretty sure that's in Colorado.

Caffeine Culture Clash

I like a good coffee, and I like finding new spots to have one. This weekend, I was pretty excited about finding a place called Cartel Coffee Lab down in Tempe (Ash and University). They seemed like the real deal, so Sarah and I went down there for a look.

First impressions were good ... the space is very cool. The problem began when I ordered my beverage: two shots of espresso over ice (I've named this the Brown Bomber, and it is my flagship drink once I had a touch of half and half). The barista reacted as if I'd asked for a Frappuccino.

"Oh, we can't do that," she told me.

I absolutely knew what was coming next, but I decided to play her game (and I hate doing this since I really like baristas a lot, but she left me no choice) ... an icy smile to match hers, an upraised eyebrow, and a pointed question: "Are you telling me you're not capable of pouring a few shots of espresso over some ice?"

"Cooling the espresso that quickly compromises its integrity," she said, as I knew she would.

The first thought to cross my mind is that I've spilled more shots than the barista has pulled, that I've had many a more experienced barista accomplish this with no snotty fuss, and that cooling it just might change the taste - but that doesn't mean that change is bad.

Sarah and I looked at each other and smirked. Then waited a few seconds.

"I could just make you a really dry iced Americano," the barista offered. I agreed, because I didn't feel like heading down to Bunna, or going to Conspire while John (the barista king) was on vacation.

So how was the dry americano? Pretty darn average. Even with a dollop of cream to thicken it up, it still had a funny, almond-like tang that I didn't really prefer. I never get that from the Brown Bomber, though!

The beer world also has people like this: They refuse to use adjuncts in their beer, and they're absolutely terrified of creative thinking and throwing a twist into brewing. That's what makes brewers like Dogfish Head awesome - the sense of adventure, the notion that aging something in an oak cask and throwing in some saffron can do something good for a brew. And it's no different with coffee. Stray off the reservation. Go exploring. There's probably something cool and new out there if you have the smarts to look for it.

Friends don't let friends get hoaxed

It amazes me that people who are perfectly intelligent in many ways continue to get duped by Internet hoaxes. Hasn't this been going on long enough?

I'm thinking about this because there's yet another hoary old tale in my inbox, this one about a car-jacking method. It claims car jackers are posting flyers on the back window of cars in parking lots. The hope here is that the unwary driver will get out and leave the car running to remove the flier. At that point, the car jacker will leap out from nowhere, hop in the car and drive off. No fuss, no muss, right? Sure, except that the item has a four-year history with Snopes.com, which exposed it as a hoax.

Early on, even some police officers forwarded this on, thinking it might be legit. Having their names and those of their law enforcement agencies attached to the thread certainly did their reputations no favors when the truth came out.

"I wish I'd never sent it," said one police lieutenant who forwarded the message.

Unfortunately, I think this points to a lack of analytical thinking. It's much easier to accept something at face value than it is to reflect and think before deciding something is legitimate. I can also say that I've never gotten a hoax e-mail forward from anyone under the age of 30 (I'm 34 as I'm writing this, by the way). I think younger people have a very strong understanding that the Internet is an incubator for tall tales, exaggerations, hoaxes and rumors. I think their elders, though, believe something if it comes from someone they trust. A good friend wouldn't send them a bogus e-mail, right? And what if it's true, and someone they know is victimized when they could've helped prevent it?

But here's the thing: There are genuine risks to our security out there. Giving even just a bit of credence toward rumors and hoaxes can take your eye off those very real risks. Lock your doors. Be aware of what's around you at all times. Don't leave merchandise of any sort (especially laptop computers) visible in your car. Those are real building blocks to staying safe.

As for the next time an e-mail comes into your box telling you to forward it to everyone on your distribution list, think before you hit "FORWARD." Maybe even do a Google search for the scenario. Visit Snopes.com or another urban legend Web site to verify the claim. If the forward insists that police say it's true, see if it identifies the agency or just gives the generic "police say this true" claim.

My general policy when I get a hoax forward is to reply to the sender and provide links to real information. I usually see a marked reduction from that sender.

I just wrote a story for a local business weekly about how more people are starting to move into our downtown area. For Phoenix, that's an accomplishment - the downtown area is really more business than residential. A person in the comment section put it perfectly:

"People have always lived downtown. It's just that now they're living inside a condo instead of a bus shelter."

I'm getting a good laugh out of that.

On a serious note, I am thrilled to see downtown Phoenix evolving. The growing arts district near Roosevelt is just great, and there's a lot quietly happening there. For instance, I always noticed this one building with a simple sign that says "Chadwick & Rueling." I always assumed it was a small law practice. As it turns out, it's actually a team of jewelers. They create more hip, modern and creative pieces.

I found this out while shopping for my wife's birthday. I wanted to get her something that she wouldn't see someone else wearing. I did a little snooping and discovered the law practice was actually a jeweler. I stopped in and met Chadwick; I told him what I was after and some of my wife's preferences, and he dug around for a few samples to get our ideas going. I spotted one cool stone and a setting that was nearly there. He took that info and came up with this:


It's great that we're now able to support businesses not because they're local, but because they're really good at what they do.

Time to Mothball the President's 747s?

I recently ran across the homepage for a National Geographic special on Air Force One, the name given to whichever of the two custom-built Air Force Boeing 747-200s is carrying the President of the United States and entourage.

This is a very interesting quote about it on the home page:

"The personification -the living symbol- of the Constitution, of this freedom-loving land, and all the people who live in it."

Jack Valenti, Aide to U.S. President Lyndon Johnson

Well, Jack, maybe it was back in your day when the president traveled on a rather humble B707 (which I've toured ... it truly is humble.).

Today, however, Air Force One is extravagant airborne bloviation, Pimp My Ride taken aloft at 500 knots.

I'm not talking about the electronic countermeasures and security. I'm talking about the luxury, right down to gold-plated seatbelt buckles and the presidential seal stamped on everything a visitor might touch. I'm talking about cramming the fuselage with cronies, and handing certificates to the people that get to visit or fly on it. "Coongratulations, mere mortal! You've been to Mount Olympus."

JFK could weather the Cuban Missile Crisis on his homely three by three. Can a modern president not function without being draped in expensive luxury? And guess what? The B747 doesn't seem to be good enough: The Air Force has actually considered replacing it with the even more gargantuan Airbus A380.

I really hope that doesn't happen. But I do think the current B747-200s should go out to pasture, and I think President-Elect Obama could make a real statement with his choice. If I were whispering in his ear, here's what I'd tell him:

Wait for Boeing to finish the 787. Order one with all the capabilities it needs, minus the useless luxury. Don't make it bare-bones, but make it sensible. Make a visitor aboard feel that this is the aircraft of a person who's here to serve, not here to be served. I think that a president with such a multinational background can also make another vital statement with the 787 - he's supporting an American company, but on a project that unites nations across the globe in one effort (not to mention that it will be the most fuel-efficient plane of its size ever).

Granted, the current Air Force One clones make a statement of wealth and power everywhere they go. There are few aircraft more striking, that arrest such attention just in the common act of rumbling down a taxiway. But imagine a 787 as Air Force One: Progressive, innovative, efficient and maybe -just maybe- a touch more humble than we used to be. Let's just hope that our government could live up to that plane's statement.

'Cause you're probably sicking of reading about elections...

It you've ever spent time among Australians in their natural habitat, you'll notice that there is a stereotypical Australian bloke. And most of his characteristics are good.

He's not politically correct, but he doesn't care how other people lives their lives. He might not read "important" literature, but he has a practical sensibility. He tries not to let people get under him. He also won't think twice about trying to turn a stranger into a new friend.

The Australian film Kenny perfectly captures this creature. The title character works for a company called Splashdown that provides portable toilets for events of all sizes. Kenny knows his job's not glamorous - but until people stop dropping edgars a few hours after they eat, he also knows it's important. The movie takes him from event to event, handling everything that drops his way in the manner of the aforementioned stereotypical bloke - whether that's someone starting his porta-loos on fire, a father that's disappointed in him, a shrew of an ex-wife or seasonal workers who let him down when things turn to crap. It also has a cute romantic turn when he impresses a woman during his first airplane flight by ... wait for it ... fixing the lavatory.

Now, I've only met one person locally who's seen Kenny ... and he's of Australian decent, married to an Ozzie, and spends a fair amount of time Down Under. He was amazed that I'd found it since he saw it in Sydney.

He thought for sure that I'd gotten it on Netflix, when my wife has actually flushed it out of the local Blockbuster.

Netflix: Hmmm. I've never warmed to it. I hate going to the post office, and I kind like the experience of wandering around and examining the covers, plus asking the clerks what they think. And I really hate the post office, just in case I didn't make that explicitly clear.

And really, the rise of Netflix has prompted Blockbuster to do away with late fees. Huzzah! So no burning gas and time to go to the post office. I'll just walk to Blockbuster, grab some groceries at Sprouts, and bounce my way back to watch my flicks. Granted, the selection's not as big. But I really don't watch that much TV, anyway. For stuff that's harder to find, I have an artsy-fartsy local video store that can handle those tasks.

So gimme Blockbuster until otherwise notified.

And go see Kenny. It's not all turdly humor - it has some heart, and Kenny himself is Rocky Balboa with a pipe wrench. Only cooler.

Underground Splendor

Every so often, I run into something like this that completely stuns me in such a good way.

Let me give you the short version rather than making you read the article. In 2000, workers in a Mexican lead mine discovered something amazing - a rocky, 130-foot womb in which incredibly large selenium crystals have gestated for millions of years. The longest of the crystals is about 30 feet long. Think of the original Superman movie, when Superman's castle grew out of the arctic. That gives you an idea.

These photos fill me with wonder and optimism. Wonder, that natural forces we can't mimic produced something so otherworldly and magnificent. Optimism, that in every hot, lifeless, suffocating chunk of rock, something extraordinary may just be awaiting discovery.

It makes me ask what else might be out there, buried beneath our sewer lines and power conduits and open-pit mines. There must be so much out there that would, if we knew about it, transport our imaginations and make us marvel and the earth's powers of creations.

Wait a second - Earth? What about when our species establishes its presence on the moon and Mars? And even beyond that. It's impossible to think that there are not forces at work creating natural works of art on a scope that dwarves this Cave of Crystals.

If you can, pick up this copy of National Geographic. The graphics and layout are stunning, and the photos ... well, the first one made me shout "Oh, my god" and then completely fall silent wondering if it wasn't an early April Fools Day prank (though there were far too few photos, but I know there's only so much space). The text? Meh. Not up to the usual standards - amazing, considering what a powerful and moving experience it must be to walk among these giants.

Braaaains! And lawyers, too.

Here's a groovy news item from my dear wife (honey, you know I'm just kidding about that headline, right? Sweetheart? Ummm, am I in trouble?). Apparently, this game allows players to mow zombies down with a riding mower, which sounds too awesome for words. Maybe not as cool as Ash in Army of Darkness plowing through the undead with an anti-zombie propeller jury-rigged to his 1970s sedan, but still pretty slick. Anyway, without further ado ...

In a Battle of Zombie Killers, Fenwick & West Slays Kenyon & Kenyon
How appropriate that with Halloween approaching we have a litigation tale about zombies. On one side is Fenwick & West's client, the video game maker Capcom. In 2006 Capcom released "Dead Rising," a video game that revolves around a freelance photojournalist on assignment in the fictional town of Willamette, Colorado. The photographer's mission is to unlock the mystery of why the U.S. quarantined the town--which turns out to be populated with zombies. Players help him battle the zombies, survive for three days, and return with the evidence needed to solve the puzzle.

If you think that plot sounds a little like the 1979 indie hit "Dawn of the Dead"--in which a group of people try to survive an epic zombie attack at a suburban shopping mall--you're not alone. According to Capcom's lawyers, MKR Group, which owns the trademarks and copyrights to the movie, threatened to block the release of "Dead Rising" back in 2006. Capcom marketed the game anyway, though with a disclaimer stating that it was not connected with the "Dawn of the Dead."

Apparently still spooked by MKR's threats, Capcom filed a complaint in the Northern District of California against MKR in February 2008, seeking a declaratory judgment that it did not infringe MKR's intellectual property rights. (That's right--even zombies are intellectual property.) MKR, represented by Kenyon & Kenyon, turned around and filed a complaint against Capcom, alleging trademark and copyright infringement, unfair competition, misappropriation, and dilution.

In a decision made public this week, San Francisco federal magistrate judge Richard Seeborg granted Capcom's motion to dismiss all of MKR's claims with prejudice. Judge Seeborg, who has become quite the zombie expert, concluded that there were "profound differences" between the movie and the game, and that "the few similarities MKR has alleged are driven by the wholly unprotectable concept of humans battling zombies in a mall during a zombie breakout." We're guessing that wasn't a sentence Seeborg envisioned writing when he first took the oath of office.

Fenwick & West partner Rodger Cole, who represented Capcom, was not immediately available for comment. He was joined by associates Jennifer Kelly and MaryBeth Milionis. Kenyon & Kenyon's Jonathan Reichman, who represented MKR, declined to comment.

I'm still smarting over the demise of the East Valley Tribune. No matter how hard its management tries to spin it as good news, it's not. It's a blow to the metro Phoenix, which is now left with just The Arizona Republic and The New Times. Both the Republic and New Times have some quality, but they also have a lot of flaws.

But that means there's an opportunity for something new to rise. The time is ripe for a brand-new sort of news source. Not a newspaper, not television. Let's go online.

Okay, so what's new about that? The way it generates revenue. As it is, newspapers are sweating over the fact that overall, their Web site contact is not generating cash. People can view most content for free. But every news Web site that I know of is ignoring a huge source of revenue:

The reader comment section.

Now, I readily admit that I've called the reader comment sections a petri dish for stupidity and intolerance. But that tiger is out of its cage, so let's throw a big leash on it. Here's how to make it work for future media: Charge people to comment. Set up a fee structure that charges either by the comment, for a set number of comments per month, or a competitive rate for unlimited monthly or yearly comments.

Of course, this will not work by itself. The comment subscription fees need to be coupled with an ass-kicking blend of provocative, risky and in-your-face writing, plus a take-no-prisoners style of reporting. That means editors and publishers who don't care if granny stains her panties because a writer used a naughty word, and reporters groomed to turn a PR flak's glib response into a minefield.

A Web site that puts both of these concepts into practice has a chance at creating a news source for a new time. We can't go back to the days when chubby men in cheap, rumpled, brown suits and press cards sticking out of their fedoras clod-hopped to the nearest phone booth to dictate a story. But if the media wants to survive and be significant beyond entertainment, it collectively needs to think about how it can be more interesting and generate some revenue.

The idea's a bit rough and needs some shaping, but I see potential.

Latest Evidence of the Demise of Daily News

I'm really sad to see that the East Valley Tribune is scaling back from a busy daily to a free, four-day-a-week paper.

Full disclosure: I spent several years as a Tribune reporter. I learned a lot there, and think extremely highly of most of my former co-workers. I hope those that are still there will make it through this.

For the Valley, this is the begin of an even-worse era for news coverage. The Tribune has many flaws, but at least it used to be a thorn in the side for The Arizona Republic. A city the size of Phoenix should have more than one decent-sized daily newspaper. The Republic doesn't have the inclination to dig in everywhere - and being a Gannett paper, it's not exactly a beacon of high-quality journalism.

That leaves us with the Republic and our local TV stations. The less said about their news coverage, the better. But descriptions such as "lightweight" and "fluffy" are quite fair.

What to blame? The Trib's overly chicken dinner, folksy and local focus? The rise of the Internet? The cost of newsprint? The fact that they don't pay newsroom staff members very well? Yes. It's not just the Trib. More and more, interns are writing the Republic while consultants and focus groups drive its content. There are some really good people at both papers, yet they never have the time or space to show their talents. That's unfortunate, and it makes readers less likely to plunk 50 cents into the machine or pay for a subscription.

The fact is, good newspaper reporters, good editors, good photographers and good graphic artist deserve to be paid well. They deserve the freedom to take risks in performing their crafts. If they can't do that, audiences are likely to tune them out and just get their news online, for free.

I can't say I have the solution. But I really hope to see people with true vision take a shot at how to improve the news business. It's a critical industry, and a key element in preserving freedom through scrutinizing business and government. And it's good for an interesting feature here and there, too.

Repeating History

I am a big, dumb, hopeless animal. I should be kept in a cage for my own safety. Of course, I'd wind up in one of those experiments in which the scientists would tempt me with a tasty morsel. When I went to grab it, they would shock me.

I think that's actually what is happening. Scientists are putting sushi and nigiri in various fancy supermarkets. They're making it look tasty. They're not trying to convince me it will be as mind-boggling and spirit-altering as, say, Zen 32 or Hana. But they are trying to get me to try devouring the morsel.

And silly me: I never learn. It's barely going to be edible, and the supermarket is going to suck some easy cash out of my wallet. Because I'm relentlessly optimistic.

Want sushi? Pay a bit more, and get the good stuff. If that's what you're used to, store-bought sushi is going to taste like strips of rubber bicycle tube soaked in brine and clam juice. The store-bought offerings even smell like a dead lobster's nether regions.

Good on ya, Jimmy!

Now this is a cool story. For those not inclined to follow the link, it's just a Soccernet.com story about a fairly unheralded English soccer player who has been called up to represent his country during a World Cup qualifier. He is 29 years old, well past the age when most players have made their international debuts.

I say congratulations, Jimmy Bullard! He is clearly thrilled to be wearing the Three Lions, and I bet that he will give it his all and then some if team manager Fabio Capello puts him in the match.

The best part is that he clearly worked his way up from the bottom, being paid all of $100 a week and working part-time as a painter and decorator. Contrast that with so many of the coddled sports stars, and it just makes me hope that Jimmy puts a screamer into the top corner, doesn't miss a tackle and rescues a cat from a tree for good measure.

When you really think about it, wouldn't it be an incredible honor to represent your nation in just about any endeavor? Make the most of it, Jimmy!

Tropic Chunder

Today, I went to check out Tropic Thunder. I really liked the idea of a send-up of Hollywood and snooty actors. And the cast has been in some very funny movies - what better way to avoid the blowtorch that is a Phoenix afternoon in August?

Well, let's just say this: The film featured a water buffalo and a dead panda. Really, a dead horse would've been more appropriate.

A few funny moments (most of which you've already seen in the previews) and some beautiful scenery. Other than that, save your $8 and catch it on DVD. That's two strikes in a row for Jack Black. Lost count on Mr. Stiller, but this was no Zoolander or The Mystery Men.

Here's something somewhat related that I've been wondering for awhile: When did previews become known as "trailers"? Must we all speak in Hollywood jargon?

To the last, Dos Equis, I grapple with thee...

Dos Equis has this truly amusing series of commercials out. They center around a man who is essentially a cross between Jay Peterman from Seinfeld and Ricardo Montalban ("Khaaaaaaaaaaan!" Sorry, couldn't help myself).

He is billed "The Most Interesting Man in the World." He usually has at least two (young enough to be his granddaughter) babes at his table, and a much younger and -we can safely assume- much less-sophisticated younger guy who, while resenting grandpa for squashing his prospects, can't help admiring and wanting to be the craggy ol' codger.

The tagline?

"I don't always drink beer. But when I do, I prefer Dos Equis."

Well, now. Let's just say the name of the beer is very appropriate: The first four letters of the second word are, obviously, E-Q-U-I. It is absolutely no coincidence that these are also the first four letters of the word "equine," which means "of, or pertaining to, or resembling a horse." As in "Dos Equis tastes like the drippings of an equine's bladder."

The Most Interesting Man in the World has yet again proven Justin's Beer Advertising Theorem, which states that the quality of a beer is inversely proportional to the quality of its advertising.

Frequent Flyin'

So in the past year, I've had:
-Four Qantas flights
-Four Southwest flights
-Three American Airlines flights
-One Delta flight
-One Jetstar flight.

Based on that, I can guarantee you that the passengers on the Qantas 747 that had a hole blow in its side at 30,000 feet still had a better experience than anyone flying the other airlines mentioned on a routine trip.

Lamenting my lost coffee

I came to a really horrible conclusion a few months ago - that I had to cut back drastically on my coffee drinking.

See, my french press had become my best friend. I was too much of a coffee barfly, to the point where John at Coffee Conspiracy knew what I was going to order before I did.

This is because I absolutely love good coffee (as I love so many good beverages). But it was making me jittery and nuts, and affecting my sleep. So I thought "hey, I gave up cheese and flour tortillas. Why not cut back on the coffee and see what shakes out?"

I throttled back to two coffee beverages a week, down from about 16 ounces daily. Well, it turns out I sleep better and I'm somewhat more calm (hey, I'm still me, after all!). And when I do get a hold of some good coffee, it's even better than it used to be.

Taking Responsibility for Your Words

I rarely see a pointed quote from someone that isn't followed a few hours later with an apology and weaselly, insincere, penitent hand-wringing. The topic doesn't matter: politics, sports, even celebrity nattering. State your opinion at your own risk.

Even if you're fairly on-target.

Let's applaud the exception to the rule - one General Wesley Clark. Given much of the online reaction to his comments about Senator John McCain, I expected his words to be far more inflammatory. But his thoughts echoed my own: Does five years as a prisoner of war qualify a person to be president of the United States? Does commanding a squadron equal military acumen? General Clark's answer was, "eh, not so much."

I'm a bit disappointed at Senator Barack Obama for distancing himself both from General Clark and his comments. I would certainly have awarded him leadership points for saying "General Clark is entitled to his opinions. He didn't make them at my behest, but he is qualified to speak on this topic and he has the same First Amendment rights as any other American."

I would've given Senator McCain the same props for making a similar statement. I'm disappointed that both candidates are playing the same apologist/outrage game.

Speaking of which, I've had many people bring up military experience - or Senator Obama's lack of it. It amazes me that people are making this such a big factor in their votes. No single candidate knows everything about how to form their policies. When considering a candidate, I think it's smart to not just evaluate them, but who they're likely to include in their cabinets. We have cabinets because no single person is an expert in every single aspect of policy making. Think about that awhile.

The Mac Question

Alright, it's finally time to address why I just don't the hip thing and give up PCs for a nice, shiny, sleek, hip Mac.

Here's why:

1. Macs are overpriced. Three years ago, I had my choice of a $700 Compaq and a $1,200 notebook, which was slower and smaller. The Compaq has been dropped on hard surfaces multiple times, and I've even managed to keep viruses at bay.

2. Mac has created a brand image that I loathe. It's trying to be counter-culture, as if owning a Mac is somehow "sticking it to The Man." Well, that's simply like Starbucks (with better stock prices) trying to position itself as an underdog. Right now, Mac's image is Scion-driving hipsters with funny haircuts who like listening to low-fi garage bands. Maybe an alternate brand, complete with a different name, would change this. Of course, Apple-ologists will wave their arms and sputter "But, but, but they did that with the Performa line in the 90s, and it flopped!" Okay, so that was the wrong time. We're now in the post-iPod phase, and Apple needs to try again and get it right. Otherwise, no money and no love from The WordWhacker.

3. I can't stand Mac's Hello, Kitty-ized interface. Too cutesy and graphic. I like Spartan and straightforward. I have to say Linux distros do this really, really well. Not perfectly, but darned close. How hard would it be for Mac to offer a customizable interface?

4. Work on making its operating system work on PCs. Some hackers can do this. I lack the geek-fu to accomplish this, but I would like a stable operating system (with a decent interface, see #3). And I don't want the crapware that comes with so many new PCs. Sell that operating system for $100 and watch Microsoft choke on the pressue.

There you have it.

The Round Ball on My Mind

In my last post, I promised to write about why I don't switch to Apple next. Well, I just feel like talking about soccer instead.

But this won't be about the tasty final between Spain and Germany in the Euro Cup. I'd rather address the United States and the 201o World Cup. The fact is, the team will get to the finals. They'll get to Johannesburg, and then will not go any further than the last 16.

Unless ...

Some changes occur. Manager Bob Bradley - a nice guy, a hard worker. But he is not on the level of top European coaches. Or even some of the South Americans. Look south of the border, where Sven-Goran Eriksson is taking charge of Mexico. That makes them infinitely more threatening to any team they meet. Sven might not have elevated England, but he did quite well with a not-so-hot Manchester City squad. And he will do even better with Mexico.

Now, Bob isn't the real problem. That title belongs to Sunil Gulati, president of the US Soccer Foundation. Every journalist in the United States who says Guus Hiddink, Jose Murinho or Jurgen Klinsmann could solve the US team's problems is wrong. Because Gulati - or rather, Gulati's ego - is what stands between US Soccer and its next step.

The USSF had a chance to hire Klinsi right after the 06 World Cup and his near-triumph with Germany. He lives most of the itme in California. He knows the nuances of Major League Soccer. So, why did he not assume command? Because there is an unspoken directive from Gulati: Thou shalt not overshadow Me. And yes, he would use caps for "Me." And Klinsi is flamboyant, larger than life, high-profile.

Oust Gulati and install a rational president, and many problems will right themselves. Until then, prepare for another early World Cup exit and continued lurking in soccer's shadows.

Back from a Computer-Enforced Layoff

Since my last entry, I've been busy on the computer front. At home, I have two computers: a "frankendesktop" and a Compaq laptop. The frankendesktop was running Windows 2000, which didn't like my high-speed router. And it was hopelessly out of date. Time for a new operating system, I thought.

But rather than meekly shuffling off to plunk down for a full Windows XP install, I decided to stick it to the man: I decided to go Linux.

(A brief interlude for the non-tech geeks: Linux is an open-source operating system. Programmers have greated many different versions suited to different needs. These are called "distributions," or "distros". Popular distros include Ubuntu, Red Hat, PCLinuxOS, Open SUSE and Mandriva. If you have the skills, you can easily hack into these and modify them to your needs. Like Windows and Mac operating systems, they now have graphic user interfaces, so you don't need to communicate in code. Plus, they come with oodles of free and effective software. The more-popular distros are also very stable. You can download most flavors for free.)

Now, everything in that interlude sounds like a computer fool's paradise, does it not? Free. Customizable. Stable. Not Windows.

But there's a rub. A particular distro may hate your computer. Or just your soundcard. Or your video card. Or your ... aw, you get it already, right? I flirted with several of the above. OpenSUSE rejected me like a supermodel shooting down a Tolkien fan hitting on her in Elvish. PCLinuxOS seemed awesome - then I found out it had multiple personality disorder. Ubuntu ... well, we tried a few dates and decided to be friends.

I almost took Mandriva home to meet my parents. The office and graphics suites (AbiWord and GIMP) were terrrific. Mozilla Firefox was okay, but sometimes pooped out for no discernible reason. The audio editor met with mixed results. It would occassionally play a CD without fuss, but the audio editor (a must for anyone who enjoys writing and recording music) was horrible.

So I tried. I ultimately learned a few things. But it looks like it's dutifully back to Windows with me.

In our next episode, I'll answer the question you're certainly asking right now: But Justin, why not a Mac?

Have we seen this before?

Here's a question: Why aren't the speed limits changing?

I was just born the last time gas prices were this ungodly. And that's when we got the 55-mph speed limit (which lasted until the 90s).

Now, I know that a modern vehicle can handle those high speeds a lot better than a 1970s-vintage hunk of Detroitness. But can the drivers? These days, we have Hummers zipping around at 80 mph or more; all the windows are rolled up, the air conditioning could freeze a polar bear, and odds are good that the driver is on a cell phone.

So we've got a distracted speeder in a gas guzzler.

What's the harm in slowing down?

I've been doing a little experiment in my Subaru Forester (2006, 5-speed manual, 173 horsepower). When I drive for performance and keep my RPMs high, I get about 300 miles to a tank. When I back off and choose to drive 5-10 mph slower on the highway and shift to a higher gear on city streets, that figure goes to about 340. I'm going to do a nice, long highway run to see if I can bump that even higher this weekend. By the way, I rarely use my air conditioning, even in the summer heat. I've lived in Arizona for nearly 30 years - scurrying to the nearest source of AC is the best way to ensure you never get used to it.

Anyway, I can handle driving a little slower. How 'bout you?

Hit the Sports Parents Out of the Park

Every week, I meet a friend at some local tennis courts. A good percentage of the time, we'll be into our second set when the Forced Tennis Labor Camp rolls into the parking lot in an ominous gray minivan. The minivan will park and disgorge a seemingly endless stream of children, most of them related. None of the children is older than 9.

There is at least one parent with them, who leads a relentless round of drills, exercises and criticism. I know too well who is playing badly that night, but I have no idea who is playing well. I certainly have no clue if any of these kids are enjoying themselves. I think each of them is a bit too young to be "focused and committed" to the degree that the taskmaster of the day would prefer.

These kids can all play tennis, no doubt about it. Maybe one day they'll be professional players. Maybe they'll just get a college scholarship. On the other hand, maybe they'll just burn out.

It would be nice to see the parents work as hard developing their kids' love of the game as hard as they work on their two-handed backhands. With a lighter touch, the worst thing that could happen is they'd develop a healthy, stimulating hobby that will stick with them throughout their lives.

I recently read a really interesting book called The Ethical Assassin. I'll spare you the book review, and get right to the heart of what really interested me. By the way, this book was a little too old for me to review in Java. That's unfortunate, because I'd like to expose more people to this book.

Okay, let's get down to it: The protagonist is a college student. He somehow gets mixed in with this assassin who is, of all things, a vegan. He explains to our young college student that he doesn't dig on products of the flesh because 1) of the environmental damage caused by big box farms, and 2) that animals die as a result. I won't get into the contradiction of saving animals by killing humans. I'd like to ruminate about his reasons for being vegan.

1) I can agree with this. I don't believe in unneeded cruelty, and the conditions you'll find on the commercial farms and ranches are appalling. However ... there are the free-range and line-caught options (for the fish lovers like me). For me, that negates this argument. You may feel differently. But we're not all wired the same.

2) Animals definitely die because we eat them, whether it's a cow that lives the Kobe life of luxury before becoming a burger, a wild elk felled by a hunter or a beakless chicken in a poultry farm outside of Akron. To be honest, I have no qualms with this. It is impossible for any creature to sustain itself without harming something else that's alive.

I'm not saying I have all the answers for everyone on this, or even that I do it right every time (I'd have a hard time dining out if I did). But I do the best I can, especially when I'm throwing it on the grill.

Hi-Def: Does it make it better?

Some people think seeing and hearing everything on their televisions really makes it all better.

When it comes to watching soccer, I'd agree. Having cable or satellite service also helps; but if I had either, I'm worried that I'd swell to elephantine proportions while obsessing over futbol on Setanta Sport.

But what about the rest? The only television show I watch regularly is Battlestar Galactica. The new one, now, not the 1970s version. Now, how do I do that with a pair of rabbit ears perched upon my paltry little screen? The kind folks from the Sci-Fi Network post the latest episode online the day after it runs, and I watch it on my laptop. Brilliant!

As you might guess, that adds up to much less definition, jerky images and so-so sound.

Wanna know something? It's more fun watching the show that way. The Galactica and its fleet have been on the run and under the hammer for three years. Stuff is wearing out and falling apart. Somehow, watching it lo-fi style adds an extra layer of steel wool to an already gritty show.

Try it sometime: Turn off your plasma screen. Tune into Battlestar (if you're a fan) and watch it Colonial style. Bet you'll have more fun!

A Theme Park for Arizona

Back when TVs came only in black-and-white and huge tailfins were hip for the family car, some crazy guy bought some land in Florida. Wait - let's not mince words. It was a swamp. He drained it and turned it into the Happiest Place on Earth.

Today, we know that kook as the late Walt Disney. Well, kook no longer. I need not outline the empire he created.

And some investors think they can do the same in Eloy, Arizona, of all places. Eloy isn't quite a swamp, but it's hardly Big Sur.

Anyway, the investors want to call it Decades, and its theme would be rock & roll (not terribly original, that). This cabal of developers is a bit nervous about revealing its identity. Its public relations team and lobbyists, however, aren't so shy that they won't ask for huge tax breaks. According to The Arizona Republic, the project would:

"• Have the authority to impose its own retail tax.
• Be able to issue up to $750 million in bonds.
• Pay no income tax.
• Pay no property tax."

But let's tackle the real question: Will a theme park plunked between Tucson and Phoenix succeed?

1. Summer Heat - The place is going to be a ghost town in the summer, if it's open at all. Some backers fairly point out that in the Midwest, some places make money being open just four months a year. Fair enough. They, however, aren't quite stuck in the middle of nowhere. Summer in Eloy also means monsoon storms: big, windy, dusty electrical storms that will sweep in just about every afternoon. The winters will be awfully nice, but there's another problem. See the next entry.

2. The Competition - People go to theme parks 'cause their kiddies want to. This is Walt Disney Co.'s strength. It ain't just a theme park - it's well-known characters that span generations, new-fangled movie heroes like Buzz Lightyear and rides that get turned into movies of their own (Arr, Cap'n Jack!). Rides themed after Alice Cooper will not have the same cache with the kiddies. People spend days at Disney parks and the similar structures that spring up around them. I predict very little tourism for this, and most of the visitors will be locals - and the novelty will wear thin in a hurry. As will the gas costs, which will probably hit harder than the park tickets!

3. Taxpayer Support - Really, if this idea is such a sure money maker, why the need for the handouts? Shouldn't investors be beating the door down?

4. The Concept - So tepid, so lukewarm, so unoriginal. Rock & roll? Google rock and roll theme parks - it's been done (to death). Also, music is incredibly polarizing. You can bet that some people will linger in certain spots, and beat feet through others trying to get away from the acts and styles they hate. I dare them to put in a Limp Bizkit ride - no, I double-dog-dare 'em!

5. Natural Resources - Rumor has it that, to combat the heat, most of the rides will be water-based. Where do the backers plan to get that water?

6. Legacy of Failure - The Phoenix area once had a theme park called Legend City. It wasn't very big, much less grandiose than this $800 million monster. And even then we couldn't sustain it right in the middle of the state's biggest city.

7. The Cast of Characters - Jason Rose is the mouthpiece for the project. Name one project he's touted that was genuinely in the public interest. He told the Casa Grande Dispatch "Anything we do waterwise will be good for Eloy and good for the environment." He provided no details, of course. But somehow the Dispatch staff allowed that quote (or "soundbite," as he loves to call it) without the obvious follow-up question. Anytime this guy pops up, I'm tempted to put my wallet in safe, drop it into a barrel filled with concrete and bury it at an abandoned uranium mine.

8. We've Heard it All Before - Really, I've heard variations on the phrase "most amazing projects Arizona has ever seen!" too many times to count. It seems these phrases are most often tied to short-lived debacles like the Scottsdale Galleria or Biosphere 2. We see where those wound up.

Unfortunately, our state legislature disagreed and passed the bill to form a "regional attraction district." I'm hoping Governor Napolitano shoots it out of the saddle.

If she doesn't and this thing survives its infancy, I predict it will flame out within a few years and be another sad, dusty plot of land that makes drivers gawk and say "hmm, wonder what that was?"

Banish it!

I'm not the first one to point out that some words just need to be cast out of the English language. Seriously, just about all the "ize"-heavy bloviation you'll hear anytime more than three people wearing ties gather should get the heave-ho.

But this one is a critical darling. Even my buddy Chuck Klosterman, one of the better writers of our generation, just can't get anough of it.

It is "seminal." As in "a seminal influence." It seems no pop culture critic can so much as mention music that involves an electric guitar without identifying the act's "seminal" influences.

The first person to use this was pretty clever. If you're using it now, though, you're just a few laps behind the greyhound.

I propose tossing this into the linguistic penalty box for a few decades - in other words, until there are truly some new seminal influences.

And a good thing, too

Most sports journalism is about as exciting as toilet water: box scores, game recaps, a lame quote or three.

At least in England, I can always count on an athlete or manager to say something silly. Today's example is Paul Jewell, manager of Derby County FC, a team that has spent the entire season being thumped in the English Premier League and will get dropped down a division for the next term.

"...you don't have to be a brain surgeon to see we concede too many goals and don't score enough."

I can't recall who it was, but one manager last year took some time to defend the league's referees. Seeing every single foul, he argued, was impossible.

"They'd need eyes in the back of their head, which they haven't got," he pointed out.

Not since Buddy Ryan took the helm of our state's mighty Cardinals franchise and announced "You've got a winner in town" have I heard anything to equal these in American sports.

First Post at the Word Cave

Hi there. Thanks for stopping my blog to check out my historic first Here, you'll mostly find my clips and my thoughts on whatever happens to be going on in my world. Yeah, that can be just about anything. I promise to keep it interesting.

If you want to see work samples, just look for The Clip Farm over on the right. My favorite of the batch is "Getting the Wild Out of Your Life." There's absolutely nothing like stories about carnivorous/venomous/poisonous creatures and the people who capture them. "In Search of His Big Break" is also a cool read, if a bit short; it also features a great photo from one of my favorite former colleagues, N. Scott Trimble. This guy will do -and has done- anything to get a top-flight photo. Then there's "For superior guitar amps, makers tout the tube." Some people really love guitars, but I've always been more fascinated by the amplifier. For this story, I grilled three Phoenix amp makers to talk about the vacuum tube, of all things.

I won't go on, even though I could say something about every one of these clips. More are on the way, along with more features as I get this blog interface all figured out. Enjoy!